Date: 12/8/2008
Time: 6:17 pm
Place: House



How far are you willing to go for that person that you love. I mean you can clearly say that you will give up your life for that person, but ask yuour self would you really do it? Is it true that you can really die from love? Sopme may agree to tha fact that you can indeed die from true love but can it really happen? Are you willing tp put your hands over fire for that person that you love. I mean love can be used in many many ways but if you really love that speacial person how far would you go for them?would you

how dumb are we?

Date: 12/7/2008
Time: 2:45PM
Place: House



The question of the day is why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways? I don't know the answer to the question but i have noticed that us Americans have some pretty weird names to object. That was an example of an oxymoron's. I have another one. Okay why do we have braille on drive thru when blind people cant drive. I mean they could probably walk up to their drive thru but still it doesn't make sense to me at all. If you really think about some of these things they really make you wonder... what were these people who made it thinking? Okay now here goes another one... why do we buy a pack of hot dogs that has ten hot dogs and a pack of bread that only has eight? What are we suppose to do with the extra hot dogs. Do we eat them with out bread or do we spend more money on something that was a dumb mistake to begin with? I don't know, what would you do? Sometimes some of these gets me thinking like how dumb are we really? Such silly mistakes. It like manufacture blubbers. I bet that if you were to take a close look at what is around you ... you will find something silly. Try it and she what you come up with.

Dont need anything

Date: 12/3/2008
Time: 5:37pm
Place: House



The count down begins for my birthday. Whoop Whoop! Im happy not only that it will soon be my birthday but i will be able to finally spend it with soemone who cares about me. I have been asked about a million times what it is that i want for my birthday but to tell you the truth i dont want anything. Im am happy with what i have. I just wish that i was one year older to be able to move out and get my own place. But time is time and i canmt change that. Othe then that im pretty satisfied with what i have. I have a person that is with me through everything. Im going to be able to spend a special day with a special person. I dont have a complete family like i should but what i have is more then enough. I rather have some then none like many other children in this world that dont have anybody by thier side. I have my boyfriens family who i know cares about me as if i were thier own duaghter. I dont have amillion dollars although i could proabaly use them, but i dont want to have a million dollars. Im happy with what i have. Maybe a hundred dollars extra once in a while wouldnt be bad but i dont need that much money. I have a job, it isnt the best job but it pays the billes and i like my co-workers although sometimes i think they are crazy.

My sister

Date: 12/2/2008
Time: 2:45 pm
Place: House



Sitting here trying to ignore the loud noise that my sister is making trying to move her room around. I don't seem to understand why she would decide to move her room around when it is ten o'clock at night. I mean i have no problem with her moving her room around but i don't understand why she cant be a normal person and do it during the day. But then again my sister is a very out of the ordinary. One time she woke up like in the middle of the night and woke me up. I thought that she was sick or not feeling well. I thought that something had happened. Instead she woke me up to tell me that she was hungry and that she wanted me to go with her to go and get something to eat at MC Donald's. I turned on my light and took one look at her and i told her that she was crazy. I tried to go back to sleep but she wouldn't let me, she keep on insisting for me to go and i simply kept telling her no. I told her to stop being lazy and to go into the kitchen and cook something fast for herself to eat. She finally left my room and honestly i don't know what happened next because i fell back to sleep. I'm guessing that she did go to get something to eat because their were MC Donald bags in my trash.

I dont get it

Date: 12/1/2008
Time: 6:33 pm
Place: Library



Trying to understand why it is that people begin to buy so many things to simply end up returning them is not easy at all. Having to deal with so many problems that people have is even worst. But having to solve those problems while trying not to lose your mind in the process is even harder. Today seemed to past by so slow. I felt as if my whole weeks worth of work was all put into one day. I don't understand why it is that people but so many things and then just return them. Then they end up getting mad when they don't get what they want or how they want things to work out. Today some lady at my job must of return about thirty items and she simply said to me that she had bought all of the cloth the wrong size for her daughter. I looked at her as if she were crazy. How do you buy so much things and then make up some dumb excuse when you are trying to return it all. I thought that i was going to lose my mind today.

How?

Date: 11/30/2008
Time: 4:45 pm
Place: House




How is it possible that you have neglected the truth of what has really been happening? How is it possible that you haven't noticed anything that was going on under your same roof. I have told you time after time and it seems as if you have herd it for the first time ever. It shocks me that you act like you have never herd of this before when i have cried to you and you said hat everything would be okay.How can you still look at this person and not hate them the way i do. How do you still hold that persons hand. How do sit down and chat with them as if what i have told you had no effect on you what so ever. It doesn't hurt me so much to see them but it kills me to see that you don't care. That what i told you didn't in the slightest way move you, You where the one who was to take of me and watch over me and look at you now. You have failed to comply with your duties. How do sleep at night knowing what is going on and knowing that you are not doing anything about it. How do you look in the mirror and not hate your self. I don't know how you are capable to live with your self. Tell me, how do live with your self? How do you act like nothing at all is wrong? How do you pretend to neglect everything? Answer me how is it that you do that?

Its okay

Date: 11/29/2008
Time: 2:39 pm
Place: House



Its okay to loose your pride over someone that you love but, it is not okay to loose the one that you love over your pride. It is okay to let your boundaries fall around those closest to you. If you always have a boundary up how are you going to be able to express to those what you really feel. How are able to know what those around you are trying to show you. You have told me your self that first comes you , second comes you and third comes you and i agree with that. I do, don't get me wrong but when you just keep pushing side the person who is trying so hard to show you that they really care about you then that is not good. Its okay for a man to have their soft side. Its okay to let your guard down. Its okay to show someone that you love them. Its okay to lay next to them and hug them or cuddle with them. Its okay to tell them that you love them before they say it. Its okay to want a kiss from them before they ask you for one. Its okay to want someone else other then your self.

I dont get it

Date: 11/25/2208
Time: 5:37 pm
Place: Library


MHHH... Christmas is coming pretty soon. Everybody is going crazy shopping for everything that is at a low price. Thanks giving hasn't even passed yet and everybody is shopping. There are people who are even done with all their shopping. That is really crazy once you think about it. Now that black Friday is coming up i cant even begin to think about how busy all the stores are going to be. Lucky for me I'm going to be working that whole day so will not be able to do any shopping of my own. I will be able to see everybody else who are shopping. Well to me black Friday isn't that big of a deal i mean okay their are no taxes and some things are on sale but i mean doesn't that happen all the time. Their are always sale prices and offers going on. I'm not personally a big fan of shopping just to shop. I don't understand how their are people who must shop at least one time a week. Why don't they just save their money instead of spending it all. I would rather save my money for a real emergency. Like my sister she buys about a hundred pairs of shoes. Why? I don't know she only has to feet. Why does she need a million sneakers i don't know. She can honestly go about four months without repeating the same pair. I tell her why don't you give some to the poor who really need shoes and dot have any. I don't know i just don't get it.

Help the needy

Date: 11/23/2008
Time: 4:21 pm
Place: House



Thanks giving has yet not came and people are already going crazy buying things for Christmas. Some say that they are doing it early this year due to our economy that seems to be getting worst as the days go by. It is kind of sad if you really think about it. For this thanks giving there are so many people and families that don't have anything to eat or to give to their children. It has been said on many occasions that shelters are running out of food to give ti the needy. The people that were once giving food and clothes to the needy are the ones who are now needing form those same shelters they once helped. Our economy is slowly going down hill. If i had money to give to the people in need i wouldn't think about it twice. It is not easy to see others with food and know that you are hungry. I know that this Christmas wont be any different. Their will be even more families with out food, shelter or clothes. What are when suppose to do then? Are we just suppose to turn our backs on them and Tell them that we no longer can help them because we don't have anything to give them.

Tired

Date: 11/22/2008
Time: 2:37 pm
Place: House



Tired is not even a word to describe how exactly i feel at this very moment. I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep but i can because i have so many other things that i have to do right now. If only i had a robot who could do all my homework for me then maybe i could get a couple extra hours of sleep and i wouldn't be this tires as i am right now. Then just thinking about work just gets me even more tired. If i didn't have to work for at least one week i would be the happiest person alive. But for those of us who have to joggle between going to work and going to school it is not easy at all. I don't even know what the heck I'm writing right now. It probably doesn't even have any meaning to it whats so ever. But I'm trying to stay aWake for the next seven minutes that i have left in order to finish writing this. Do i actually think that I'm going to be able to stay up and finish this maybe. I don't know if i will. Well once i finish this i have to move on to a four page essay that i have due for my communications class and then i have to review my for page research paper for freshman seminar that is due. Will i get to that, most likely i wont because i will fall asleep but who knows.

...

Dtae: 11/21/2008
Time: 12:59 pm
Place: House



Is it possible that you no longer want to be with me any more. You say that im just making you miserable instead of making you happy. Could it be? Is it true? I dont know, please tel me what it is that you want. Please tell me what is it that you feel, what do you want to do? I dont want to be casuing you problems. IM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING WRONG THAT I DO, iM SORRY IF IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH GIRLFRIEND LIKE THE ONE THAT YOU DESERVE. im sorry for not being able to make yu happy. Im sorry if it bothers you when i call you. Im sorry if it bothers you when i touch you. Im sorry if at times i just want a hug to know that you love me. Im sorry if i just cuddle enxt to yo when we are laying down. Im soory if i bother you for a kiss at time to time. Im sorry for missing you when you are away from you. Im sorry for expressing my feeling for you the way i do. Im sorry if in public you dont like to hold my hand and i keep on insisting. Im soory for crying when somehting is bothering me. Im sorry for wanting you to hold me tight in your arms and never ever let me go. Im sorry for everything, all of it.Im sorry for wanting to spend time with you.Tell me what it is that im doing wrong?

People

Date: 11/20/08
Time: 5:27
Place: Library



People are so funny. At the end of the day my stomach was hurting from so much laughing. Who know that people were so dumb. How is it that you pay for a whole cart full of items go to the bathroom and completely forget everything that you just bought at the store. Well that is exactly what happen today. Then some guy tries to return a phone that his supposed friends bought in another target, but the phone in the box wasn't the right one so the guy got mad and threw it on the floor and broke it. I don't get it how dumb are people now a days. Sometimes it kind of scares me to see the stupid things that people actually do. I had a friend that jumped of his roof of his two story house into his pool. Why would he do that do you ask? Well honestly i dint know why he would be willing to risk his life, but he did. I also had two Friends that made a bet with each other. They both said that who ever could snort the most pepper and salt up through their nose would get fifty dollars. So I'm watching both of them get ready to snort pepper and salt. Them both of them begin to tear and I'm laughing the whole time because they are so dumb. What if that messes up the nose for there rest of their lives. They don't think about that at the moment. People are just weird.

Our destruction

Date: 11/19/2008
Time: 6:49 pm
Place: House



I personally don't think that it Will snow this year due to he fact that it hasn't been as cold yet during this time of the year. I mean it has been cold days and rainy days but i don't think that it will snow like in the past years when the snow use to cover your cars. Lately the word has been that due to the fact the worlds temperature has increased that the glaciers have been melting and at a very rapid paste. I miss when it use to snow alot because i use to love to go out and just jump onto the piles and piles of snow. Know the snow barely even sticks to the ground. If it does snow it is very little to none at all. Do i blame global warming for this? Of course i do. Global warming is causing so much problems whether is is economically or with our climate. If we continue destroying our environment the way that we are now we wont last long. We will either kill our selves from some type of disease due to air pollution or we will burn to death due to the hole in the ozone layer that just keeps getting bigger and bigger an allowing more UV rays to hit the earth. This can cause people to get skin cancer and die. The way i look at it is, that we have a choice we can help fix what we have created or we can just let it go and see how we destroy our selves.

Why

Date:11/15/2008
Time: 4:28 pm
Place: house



How can you help someone that you know if they dont want to be helped. You can keep trying and trying but if they are not willing to make the effort to change then your just wasting your time with them. Im hear listening for your cry for help and im talking to you but itrs seems like what im telling you is not phasing you. I keep teling you the same things over and over agian but why arent you willing to listen to me and change.

Today

Date: 11/14/2006
Time: 2:13 pm
Place: House



It amazes me how young girls now a days don't give them selves respect. They see a nice guy and they begin to flirt with them in the matter of two seconds. What has this world came to? Hasn't their mothers taught them better then to act like that? Cant they see that acting like that gives boys the freedom to treat them like slots. I don't know why they have to act that way. If they see a cute guy then its okay to want them to notice you but if you have to go out of your way to do something for them to even notice you then it is not worth it. When you stand out to someone let it be for something good and not something bad that will allow them to treat you like trash. Young Ladies should really think about this. Then they wonder why it is that guys are talking about them behind their backs. Well honey the answer is that you put your self out their. We all know that the majority of the guys don't think with the head between their shoulders they mostly think with the head between their legs. Yes they do work for what they want to get and once they have gotten what they wanted they will leave you and find someone else. So don't be dumb. Be smart about it. If the person really cares and loves you they will wait for yo u and be with you for the person that you are not for what you have to give them.

Global warming

Date: 11/12/2008
Time: 6:05 pm
Place: House


Knowing that the the amount of natural environment is gradually decreasing worries me. And i think that it should begin to worry you ask well. Since you too do live on this planet that we are slowing consuming. Have you ever thought about what would happen to happen to us once we use up all our resources. What will we use in a substitute? One of the biggest problems that we have is the burning of fossil fuels which also pollute our air that we breath. How can we minimize that amount of fossil fuel that we burn on a daily bases? Easy one quick way that you can help is by trying to drive you car less. When you are near something, walk instead of driving. This could also help you save a couple cents here and their for gas. Another problem that we are having is the mass consumption of rain forest. We are killing our sources that give us oxygen, not only that but we are also destroying habitats for many species. Due to our consumption of rain forest their has been many species of animals that are in danger if extension. Why/ Because we don't seem to be concerned with what happens to other species we only concern our self's with our needs. So make a difference. Don't continue to ruin our plant. Help us nourish what we have killed.

Budget

Date: 11/11/2008
Time: 6:48 pm
Place: House



It is very useful when you make a budget which allows you to see how you use your money. Making budgets isnt as hard as people may think that it is. Did you know that the number of adolescents that are graduating with debts is graduallt increasing. The rate has gone up drastically in the past couple of years. Why is this happening They don't have budgets on the money that they are spending on a daily bases. They may think that spending five dollars a day on food or other little things aren't much but if you think about it. Spending five dollars a day is spending about one hundred fifty dollars in a moth. I bet you never though about it that way now did you? Every dollar counts whether you think it does or doesn't. It has proven that if you have a budget and know what you are spending your money on you will not go into debt. Plastic is used by millions of people world wide. Credit cards can get you into alot of trouble and fairly quickly. Yes you do need a credit card to establish credit but you only need one you don't need to get ten different cards. Credit cards are okay to have if you are willing to pay your bill on time plus the interest that the company charges you for using the card. Use a budget and be smarts. Don't be another statistic.

Today

Date: 10/11/2008
Time: 6:25 pm
Place: House




I tried to remain cool after someone disrespected me. I'm a very nice person the majority of the time. How ever i never ever let any one disrespect me. Today i went on my fifteen minute break and i spilled my juice on my pants. I went to go tell my manager because i knew i was going to be late. Well to make the story short i had to buy a new pair of pants. And as i was going back onto my register i here some one say hurry up hurry up and snapping their fingers. That is the worst thing you can do to me next to whistling. I hate people who snap at me. I turned around to see who it was and to my amazement is was exactly who i thought it would be. I look at her but didn't say anything because i knew that i was going top say something that i was later going to regret. I went back on to my register and didn't even have a chance to eat. The manager asked why hadn't i ate and i simply replied because it seems to bother people around here. Mistakes happen once in a while. I admit i was two minutes from my break but to minutes isn't going to kill anyone.

Father

Date:11/ 10/2008
Time: 3:15 pm
Place: House




You come and go like nothing has happened. You look me straight into the eyes and act like nothing went wrong. What type of human being are you. You have no heart to feel any emotions at all. I look at you and i see nothing at all but a waste of space. How can you act like nothing at all is wrong. I don't get it . How can you possibly sleep at night. If i were you i would be ashamed of my self i wouldn't be able to go out in public, but you have no dignity at all. You call your self a dad. HAHAHAHAHAHA you make me laugh. Some one asked me what a father was and i was clueless because of you. I have no meaning of a father. My definition of a father is my mother. For she has been both my mother and my father. She has given my love that i never receive from you. How do you label our self with such a responsibility. You make me laugh. You are nothing but a joke. You will soon pay for all the damage that you have done. I don't worry because i know that god will give you your punishment that you deserve for all the night that i cries over a father that never existed. You will cry the tears that i cried ten times worst. You will no how it felt to be alone.

Me AND YOU

Date: 11/9/2008
Time: 6:52 pm
Place: House




I wish that i would have met you in a better place and time. I wish you would have crossed my path at an early moment, then maybe i wouldn't have had to suffer or go throw all i went through. I don't blame you for acting the way you do sometimes. But you once said that the past was the past and that in the past it would stay. But why are you saying otherwise today. What changed your mind. With no doubt in my mind i can tell you that i truly do love you with all my heart. I know that you do to, but my question to you is why cant you show me that you love me too? Why must you hold back on everything that you are feeling for me. Why do you surround your self with a brick wall as a boundary. What must i do to break that wall down and show you that i don't want to hurt you. I been through it many of times before. I will not make the same mistake once again. I will not lose you for anything in the world. You are my heart and soul. You are me my comfort zone. You are the one that i come to when i need help. You are the one that i come to when i can no longer substain the pain that I'm holding inside. You are the one who owns my heart You are the one who makes me laugh you are the one who always picks me up when I'm down even though sometimes you are the one who pushes me down to begin with. But in every relationship their are arguments. And with every argument that we get through together it just shows how much we love each other.

Life or death

Date: 10/8/2008
Time: 12:36pm
Place: house



what happens after you die? Where do you go? Do you really go to heaven or hell? We will never know that for sure no matter what scientist or people who believe in god say because to them it is still a myth as well. Rest in peace grand mother. You will be missed be everyone always and forever. Everybody knows what happens to your body but what happens to your soul. Why are their still people who roam the earth. Why cant they move on to the next life like others do.Their are many people who fear death but their are others who want to die because they say that we are in hell. That the life that we are living is hell and that when we die we will go to heaven. Do i believe that theory no, i don't think that we are living in hell. The people who fear death are the ones who are happy with their life's and don't want to leave tier loved ones behind. The ones who want to die are the people who say that when they are dead they will be in a better place then where they are now. Why would you want to die? I don't know but all i know is that i once you are dead their is no coming back no matter how much you plead and beg. Grandma we miss you and love you. May you rest in peace.

Headache

Date: 10/6/2008
Time: 5:20 pm
Place: Library




Major headache all day long. Feel as if the whole world around me just wants to in cave in wards on top of me. I see the screen of the computer but nothing is coming to mind at the moment. All i can do is feel the pulsing of my blood against my skull. I wish that it would go away but i know that it wont. I have to isolate my self from the world for the rest pf the night and try to get some sleep, maybe then my headache will go away. I just want to have a bed to lay on inside a dark dark room with absolute;y no noise at all to bother me. I want to lay down go to sleep and not have to be worrying about anything else right now. My eyes feel as if they were set in fire or as if soap went into them. I'm just exhausted. After a couple of months of working and going to school and have to deal with other issues, you fell drained. It catches up to you believe it or not. I thought that having a job and going to school wasn't going to be as hard as it is now. Im going to see if i can find a quite place in my house so i can get some rest.

The end of the world

Date: 10/4/2008
Time: 3:15pm
Place: house



How is the end of civilization going to happen? Are we going to be the ones who cause our own destruction to happen? Most likely yes we will be the ones to bring on the end of the world as we know it. Their have been many theories on how the world is going to end. I personally don't think that it really matters how the world ends because once the world is over then what is the point of worrying what caused it. One of the theories about how the world will end is from an old myth about a man who was able to look into a mirror and predict the future. He said that two brothers would fall and the twin towers fell. He also said that the world was going to end on December 21, 2012. Do i believe that is true? Yes and no. I think that their will be many bad thing happening from here till that time frame. But do i honestly think the the whole world will end in the matter of years no. I try to always think on the positive side. Their have also been theories that the world will end when god returns back onto earth. That is the religious belief on how we will die. Do i believe in this theory? No i don't. I do believe in god but i don't believe that he will come back on earth and kill everybody for no good reason.

Money

Date: 11/2/2008
Time: 5:59 pm
Place: House


Question of the day... Why do we pay high prices for something that costlittle to make. Well the answer to that question is that we the buyers are the ones that make the prices on most of the things that we buy. It is the whole concept of supply and demand. If we demand more of something and their isn't a sufficient amount then the maker will try to make a profit becuse they know the we the buyers need it. If their is an over production of something and no one is buying it the maker need to get rid of it so they try to lower the price for people to actually buy their product. Our economy is not at a very good position right now. We are in a recession and the government isn't doing much to help the problems that we are facing. We the consumers have to speak our minds and let our government know that the prices on certain things are way to hi for us to pay. For example gas prices have dropped due to the fact of the election but once the election is over the price of gas will sky rocket. We should we have top pay so much for our resources. Well make be if we stopped buying gas and the gas companies began to loose money then maybe they would see that their gas prices are way to high for someone to pay.

Date: 11/1/2008
Time: 8:29 pm
Place: House



Tie seems to be passing by so fast. Halloween just went zooming by and pretty soon it will be time for Christmas. I don't know if it only me but as i get older i feel that time is passing by more faster. When i was younger i use to feel that a whole year would take eternity to pass. And now before i even know it, the next year is about to begin. I wonder why this happens. I guess that the simply answer is that when you are younger you don't have much to worry about so have plenty of free time on your hands but as you get older you have so many things in life that occupies time that you don't realize how much time you are actually spending on something. When you are younger you don't have a job that you have to go to, you don't have yo go home and study for midterms, you just go home and relax or go out with your Friends. When you get older their Inst as much time as you use to have for all of that. Their are many other important things that you have to be doing. I don't know ask your self. why does time feel like it is passing by faster as you get older?

Up to us now

Date: 10/31/2008
Time: 4:12 pm
Place: House

We are growing up,

we are no longer little kids.

We cant depend on our parents no more,

for they have let use go and set us free.

They have accomplished their duties in life,

and now we have to do ours.

We will have to push our selves if we want to get somewhere in life.

They have tried to raise us to the best of the knowledge.

They have given up many things for us although they may never tell you.

It is up to us to make them proud,

it is up to us to show them that they did a good job.

We are growing up.

Nothing can stop that from happening.

We have go forward with our dreams and make them into a reality,.

We have to help them the same way that they helped us when we were in need.

We have to be by their side they way they were by our side.

We have to take care of them they way they took care for us.

It is now up to us to decide what we are going to do.

They can no longer decide for us.

Nothing

Date:10/30/2008
Time: 12:47 pm
Place: House




Getting use to this is not going to be easy. You are over their and I'm stuck here. I hardly see you but when ever i have five minutes to my self i try to see you through that small window of time. I miss us sitting down for hours at a time doing nothing at all. Now the time that we do spend together we find our selfs talking about school and nothing else. How did it come to this? I don't know the answer to that question. You go to school and work and well i do the same but our time frames don't seem to match up. I miss you more and more ever second that you are away from me. I get sad when i think about the thought if me not being to see you anytime soon. I miss your smiles which simply mad me smile for no good reason at all. MMMMMHHHHH! those days when we didn't have to worry about much in life. Its not the same any more many things have changed but i know that it is was for the better. I cant complain about anything because you have been a great person with me. You have shown me that me and you can make this work. Getting use to this is not going top be easy but i will get use to it.

Im not dumb

Date: 10/29/2008
Time: 5:36 pm
Place: Library




I am a very nice,outgoing person. I get along with everybody that i come in contact with, however i despise people who think that I'm dumb or stupid. I don't think that i look stupid at all. Their are some guest at my job that swear that they can get away with stealing things in front of my face. Sorry but that doesn't work with me. Some lady who works at my job has been suspected of steeling things at work before but they haven't really caught her in the act of actually stealing something so they cant really fire her. Well it happens that she always comes to my cash register, and she thinks that I'm dumb and don't see what she does. She had 17 back packs in her cart( so she says) and i told her that i needed to count them to make sure that their were exactly 17 back packs their. In the process of me counting the bags she began to get really nervous and she didn't want me to count them. As i lifted some of the bags i could see some other things in the bottom of the cart i asked if she was going to take hem and she said no but that she would leave them in the cart. I told her that i needed to take them out and but them in my bin were everything else goes that wont be bought by the guest. She was getting really nervous now and when i was don't counting the bags their were a total of 30 bags. I don't like people who try to play with me. I'm not as dumb as some people may think that I'm.

Farewell

Date: 10/28/2008
Time: 6:03 pm
Place: Library



A little upset right now. How do let go of someone that you love dearly. How do you say good bye and see you soon when you know that they are of to a better place in the sky. How do you look at them in the face and tell them that everything will soon be okay. How do you assure them that they will go to a better place then what they are now. We don't know what lies after death. How do we just let them go like that. How do sit by their side and await that moment to happen. What do tell them to calm them down. You already now what will happen to them, but what about them. What happens if they are really scared. I have learned that people have to go when it is their time to go. Their is nothing much that we as humans can do about it. The reality is that once someone is gone their is no bringing them back. You just have to learn to cope with it. Losing a loved one is not easy but knowing that they will no longer will be suffering makes it a little bit easier for me to let them go. I knew that this day will soon come and it has. Now i just have to learn to cope with what will happen. Grandmother i love you dearly and no matter where you are, no matter how far you will be from me i will always remember you.

Blooming

Date: 10/27/2008
Time: 6:13 pm
Place: Library



Time is passing by so slowly and i don't know why? I need to get out of this jail cell. It seems like it has been years since i have seen sunlight. I want to shatter all windows that are looking out to no where. I want to turn off all the shooting stars in the sky for they don't really make wishes come true. I wish for happiness and i never got it. I wish that the bad things that happened to me would just go away and never come back to hunt me, but they still came back. I want to let all the flowers that are blooming cry out, the way i have seemed to dry out over time. I use to be full of life and i use to shine brighter then any star in the sky but now i do neither. Nor do i shine or bloom. Now I'm pale with no color what so ever, i don't have any sun light that could help me to bloom the way that i use to before. Now i sit here all alone with no companion next to me to talk to or to cry on their shoulder when i need someone their. I want to run though an open field and scream my lungs out to the sky. I want to let it know what i really feel inside. I want to be able to never cry again. Dropping tears is for people who give up. I will never give up. I will shine again i will bloom even brighter then the first time. Just wait and see.

Never

Date: 10/26/2008
Time: 2:10 pm
Place: House



So many people around but not a single person stops to pay attention to anything that is happening around them. They are worried about what is going on in their lives, to busy to consider others who might be going through worst things then them. I wont show any one the inside of me anymore for no one seems to care. Today my past came back to haunt me. Some one that i hate came knocking on my door. How do you come back to the person that you have hurt and act like nothing ever went wrong. How do you go back to that person and pretend that you don't have any recollection of what you did to them. I will never forget what happened. I will never be able to pretend that everything is okay. My body froze before i could even think of reacting to what was happening . How could this be, why did he come back]. Why must i have to go through those memories once agian. I thought that i would never have to see him again after that horror. But i guess that i as wrong. He is here standing before me with a smile on his face and acting like he never did anything. Why cant i move, why cant i run away. Why cant i scream everything that i want to scream to him, why cant i let him know how he made me feel . I want to hurt him the way he hurt me. Why I'm a standing here? I wish i could disappear and never have to see t5hat face again in my life.

mother nature

Date: 10/24/2008
Time: 4:57 pm
Place: House



Looking up at the skies, checking for rain. But not a single rain drop has fallen yet. Why is the sky so gray and ugly today. I'm sitting outside and the wind is blowing harder then ever. I can see people who are walking in the street are trying to beat the wind but it is no use mother nature is winning the battle. It is not cold outside today, it actually feels very calming outside. I was sitting outside watching kids run around in circles and i felt calm. The sky is clam and doesn't look either happy nor sad. To me today was a perfect day. It looks like it wants to rain but i don't think that it will rain. I personally don't like it when it rains. It gets all mushy and disgusting outside. I Had to go out when it is raining outside, it just ruins plans. When it is sunny outside i love to go out and just be able to walk around. I don't know if it is just me but when i make plans it just seems like mother nature always has to ruin them. For example me Graduation was so sunny that everybody was literally sweating off their makeup. Peoples gowns were sticking to them from the heat. To me a perfect day consist of a little wind here and their, with the sky gray.

Date: 10/23/2008
Time: 9:33 pm
Place: House


I don't know what else i can do. I was told that I'm a hypocrite for showing someone how i feel. I don't know why I'm showing that i care, if he doesn't. No matter how hard i try to fix things they don't seem to work out.Never will he know how much those hurts hurt me. They feel as if a million knives just stabbed through the chest. These tears that i cry, i will try to hide.Not knowing what i can do to fix this problem. But i guess that the problem is always me. I thought that i was showing him other wise but i guess that i was wrong, I guess that what i have done up until now has not been enough to show him that he is the one and only person who owns my heart, I feel as if someone throw me of a cloud that i thought i would never come down from, Those word haven't stopped repeating in my head, Everything that i do seems to mean nothing at all. I don't know how someone who says loves you can say those things to you. Sitting their like nothing is wrong. sitting their and acting like everything is okay.Everything that i have done has been nothing but a lie to him. I thought i had proven him otherwise. My heart is aching, but i must hide it.

Why

Date: 10/21/2008
Time: 6:02 pm
Place: library

I wish i could fly a million miles away,

so i can scream on the top of my lungs that I'm hurting from inside.

I want to swim deep deep into the ocean and just let go of everything.

I want to be able to tell you all on my mind, but i don't have the guts to ever face you.

I wont forget what you told me,

' nothing that i have done for you has shown you that i love you."

It still hasn't been enough.

What else do you want me to do,

I have given this relationship everything i have to offer.

You stepped all over my feelings.

I want to shatter everything in my path, the way my life is slowly shattering into a million pieces.

I want to break all the mirrors that show my reflection that has nothing but hurt.

I want to run in the middle of the street at night yelling everything.

I want to be able to go to you when I'm hurting.

I want to be able to know that you will be their for me.

I want to know that you love me that way i love you.

I want you to see the effort that I'm putting in to our relationship.

I want you to see that I'm trying, but i need your help in order to make this work.

I see what no one else can see in you

Date: 10/20/2008
Time: 6:12 pm
Place: House



Today a new routine began and tomorrow we will be more distant from each other then we have ever been. It will be hard not seeing you when i get out of work or calling you when i go on my break. Tomorrow it will be a change for you and me. I know that we can work around this new obstacle that has been thrown at us. I don't want you to think that I'm not happy for you because I'm very happy for you. This will now open new opportunities for you in your future. I will remind you to never take anything for granted, everything that you learn in life will end up helping you in your future. I want to let you know that I'm very proud of you for the choice that you have made. You are a very strong person inside and out and even if things don't work out, i don't want you to give up on your dreams. You have a long open road ahead of you with many decisions that you have to make. You just made one and i know that this choice will benefit you in the long run. Remember that nothing in this world comes easy, you must work for what you want. I want to look into your future and i don't ever want you to look back on your past for you are about to start a new beginning that no one else but you can decide what to do with it. Deep inside of me i can honestly tell you that you will succeed in life. Don't ever let anyone tell you that what you are doing is not enough. I know that you are trying the hardest that you can to help. All you can do is try, and i can See that yo are trying. Don't give up, this is a new beginning that only you can lead to where you want it to go.

SICK

Date: 10/19/2008
Time: 2:45 pm
Place: House



Bing sick is the the funnest things that can happen to you. Waking up this morning was extra hard for me today then any other day would be. I woke up with a bad headache that seemed to never go away. My eyes burned when i tried to look at something and i didn't know what it could be. My throat was already hurting from the previous day, i knew it was most likely going to get worst but i never thought it it would get this bad. Being at work and being around costumers all day is not easy when you are sneezing every two seconds, and coughing every five seconds. Greeting the costumers was not any easier, i thought that my throat was going to come out of my mouth when i spoke. I had people make fun of me because of the way that i sounded i personally didn't seem to understand what was so funny that everybody was laughing about. Obviously it was about me because i was the only one that wasn't lugging. I just ho[e that by tomorrow i will be much better then the way that i was today. I don't want to have to Wake up with my head ready to explode, or my throat burning as if it were set on fire with a match. I want to be able to breath through my nose again like i use to before i was sick.

Date:
Time:
Place:



I look into a mirror and i see someone bueatiful in the reflection. I dont seem to know who that person could be. She has makeup on, but i dont seem to understand why if she is a pretty person. I look in a mirror and thier is a persom looking back at me but who is that person? She is looking down to the floor she never raises her eyesight. She seems like she is cared of something. She doesnt say a single word. Thier is a longtime period of silence. The girl is playing with her fingers trying to get her mind off of something that is bothering her. What could be bothering such a nice girl? She looks up and i can see that her eyes are filled with tears, She seems like she is ready to break down in tears. What is wrong with her? Why wont she speak, why wont she say a word? She seems sad, i wish that i could help her, but i dont seem ti know her. She seems like a stranger to me. She looks back down and never riases her eyesigh AGIAN. i LOOK INTO THE MIRROR AND I SEE SOMEONE LOOKING BACK AT ME, WHO SHE IS I DONT KNOW.

AWAY

Date: 10/17/2008
Time: 4:32 pm
Place: House



what do you do when you keep trying to make something work but the other person just doesn't seem to try at all. It hurts when you are trying so hard and giving your all into something and your hardly getting anything back. I kiss you and you didn't kiss back. I hug you but you don't want to hug me. I tell you that i love you but you never say it back, you just say me too. How do you want me to feel when you tell me not to touch you because it bothers you. How do you think i feel when i kiss you and you wipe away my kisses. I never do that to you never will i do that to you. It hurts so much to be their standing next to the person that you expect from and get nothing in return. I'm trying so hard but you aren't trying at all. I watch and observe you. I wait for your calls but you never call me. I wait for you to hug me but you don't. I wait for a warm and gentle " i love you" from your mouth but i never get it. I try to hide it, but i cant. I don't do a very good job of hiding what i feel inside and i didn't think that i should. Why are you holding your self back? Why aren't you allowing me to show you that i love you and that i care.

Sometimes you just have to

Date: 10/16/2008
Time: 6:17 pm
Place: House




Why are you holding back on what you feel. Today someone told me something that i thought i would never hear from that person. She is like the sister that i never had. When we talk we can talk about anything and everything possible. Her words were so true and so right. Everything she told me was hard for me to accept put i did. I can tell that she cares about me just like i care about her. Money does not make happiness, believe it or not but you can have all the money in the world and still not be happy. She told me that i should be careful and never give somebody my all because it is not good. I know that she didn't mean it in a bad way i i didn't take it that way but I'm just the type of person that gives my all into what i do. She told me that sometimes you just have to keep certain things to your self because sometimes people can use that against you. She told me that sometimes people don't like to show the way they truly fell about you. They keep a boundary up like a wall and they are afraid to let it fall. They are scared to open their hearts to someone else. That is what is happening to me. She was right , he isn't the type who will say " I love you " first to someone, he wont be the one who will go out of his way for a simple kiss or a simple hug. He encloses what he feels. He never shows his true color, and that just makes it harder to make things work. Sometimes you just have to let your boundary or wall crumble and give it a try.

Life

Date: 10/15/2008
Time: 5:37 pm
Place: Library



The stress of school just keeps piling and piling on top of each other. I'm trying really hard not to get stressed out about the pounds of homework that all the teacher are assigning to me.They act like they are the only teachers that people have and that other teachers don't assign homework either. I have so many exams that are coming up. I don't know how I'm going to make time to study in between work and school. I have a bout million research papers that are due. I try not to stress my self over all the things that are going on in my life but no matter how hard i try sometimes i get over whelmed with what is going on. I still can believe that i am going to college. I know it has been almost two months now but it just doesn't seem to register in my head. I cant seem to concentrate on one subject because I'm to busy worrying about the other ones. People tend to get stressed out really easy over the smallest things. I know that i am like that . I try not to get stressed out but in the long run i end up being stressed out about the littlest things ever. That is just how life works. Once i finish doing what I'm doing i know that i no longer will be stressed out so i just have to try to take things slow.

Concentration

Date: 10/13/2008
Time: 5:00 pm
Place: House




I'm staring into thin air not knowing what is running through my head. I look everywhere but I still don't know what I'm thinking about. It seems like I have gone into a daydream. I know that I'm staring at something but I cant seem ti make out what it is that I'm looking at. It is all a blur to me, I don't even bother to make the object out for it doesn't concern me right now. I feel as if I were floating on a cloud, I feel relaxed but I don't know why. I could feel my eyes beginning to get watery from me not blinking. I don't want to blink and come back to reality. I like the place that I imagine my self at. It is very soothing and I have no thought that run through my mind, nothing to stress me out. I can see the burring object moving but it doesn't bother me for i'm not interested in the object. My eyes are starting to burn from the air that is hitting it. I try so hard not to blink and loose me concentration on what I'm am thinking. Then someone came and ruined the calm place that i was trying so hard to stay at. So many things came rushing through my mind once again. I wanted to return to that place but no matter how hard i tried i couldn't. So many thoughts that just got me mad at thinking about them. I try to concentrate on my homework so that i would do something that i would regret later. I tried so hard to try and stay relaxed no matter how many bad things i wanted to say back to the person who ruined me concentration.

The effects

Date: 10/13/2008
Time: 7:13 pm
Place: House



Ones past always effects one future no matter how you try for it not to. The past experiences make you the person who you are now. With out those past experiences you would probably be a totally different person then who you are. Don't you ever think about how your future would be if some of the things in your past were different. They may be many things in your past that you may regret doing and they might be causing problems for you now. You cant take back time, all though we all wish we could. We all make mistakes in our past and no one has had a perfect past. Ask your self are you proud of the person who you are today? If you aren't what happened in your past that caused your future to turn out that way? Was their something that you could have done to change your past? Their are also good things that happen in ones past and they make you a better person then who you use to be. Either way your past does have an impact on the person who you become. For example if you are somebody who is around others who always drink and smoke, you will most likely pick up those habits as well. If you are somebody that is around people who help other and worry about their education, then you will be someone who likes to do well in school and like to help others.

Economy

Date: 10/12/2008
Time: 3:46 pm
Place: House




The economy seems to be getting worst and worst as time goes on. Why isn't the government trying to do anything about it? The prices of everything continues to go up. The prices of gas are unbelievable. Before i was able to fill the tank of my car with twenty five thirty dollars and now in order to fill my tank i need forty dollars. That was a major increase that never seems to decrease. People are going out of their minds with such high prices.The prices of everything is going up and our wages aren't. How are we going to be able to pay for anything if we don't get enough incomes. The tuition for college is going up as well. How are people suppose to go to college if the prices are so high that no one can pay for them. Only they wealthy people will be able to send their children to school. It seems like we are rewinding in time, when the country went into a depression and when only the wealthy people were able to pay of the expenses. What is the government planning on doing about all these problems if anythings. The prices have gone up for gas because of the war with Iraq. I don't see why we are still over their, why cant we just pull our people out. We shouldn't be sticking our noses in business that doesn't concern us. We are sending troops out their when we can have them home with their families and the ones who care about them instead they are overseas trying to protect the rest of the nation.

Watching the game

Date: 10/11/2008
Time: 2:28 pm
Place: House



The joy of watching kids play. The sun rays beaming on my arms and face. The little kids running around fallowing a ball and fighting each other to get it in the opponents goal. The parents on the side line shouting to their kids what to do. The parents seem to be enjoying them selves as much as the kids are. The coaches are shouting their team members names and telling them to run for the ball. The white team makes a goal and the green team just tries harder to make a a goal for their team. The parents yell in excitement for the white team. The kids seem to get energy form the thin air and begin to yell in happiness. GGGGOOOOAAAALLLL !!! Is all you hear for what seems to be eternity. The kids once again go back to following the ball around and trying even harder this time to make another goal. A couple minutes pass by and it is finally time for the kids to have a break . All the little kids run to their parents and give them something to drink. One of the boys had fell and hurt his leg but he wasn't going to let that stop him from playing. I herd the whistle go off and knew that it was time for the kids to go back and play the second half of the game. The kids get into position and the whistle blows and the game begins. After a few minutes other three goals were made by the white team, however the green team doesn't give up. They are determined to make one goal, and before you know it they made a goal. GGGGOOOOAAALLL !!! Once again the parents and kids start yelling. The game was soon to be over, and the little kids seemed to be getting tired. The final whistle blows and the game has finished. The white team won and the green team lose 7 to 1. What a good game.

Date: 10/10/2008
Time: 12:55 pm
Place: House




My hands and feet are cold. I'm trying to concentrate but my mind is somewhere else. I can feel the blood pounding against my skull. I'm looking at the keypad in front of me but no thoughts can come to my mind. I cant seem to think of anything. My fingers feel stiff with no sense of motion what so ever. I look at the computer screen and still no thoughts come to mind. I have came to a road block and i don't know how to get out. So many other things that i have to worry about. I have so much homework from my other classes it seems like i will never finish with the assignments. I have figure out how I'm going to pull of three research papers. I have to figure how I'm going to manage to memories all the data that is given to me everyday in school. I'm trying so hard to make everything okay. Its not easy to have to study , do homework go to school and work. People who are around you may say that you are always tired and never want to do anything but its not that. When you have time off you just want to relax and not have to worry about anything else at least for five minutes. When you have a spouse or someone with you, you just want them to understand you and sometimes they don't seem to understand when you are having bad day or when you are not feeling well. You just want them to understand that you want to lay down and get better soon for you to go back to what is important in life. Its not that you don't want them to help you , its just that you want them to understand you.

Obesity

Date: 10/9/2008
Time: 6:55pm
Place: House



Sitting here watching my boy friend do exercise since he thinks he is fat, but i don't think he is not. He blames me for making him fat, however i think otherwise. The rate of obesity in the united states has increased over the years. Why is that? Well it is simple if we look at the diets that we Americans have. We eat fast foods that are nothing but fating for us. Obesity is also associated with many health problems that we can prevent, for example heart problems or diabetes. We can easily prevent those medical problems but we choose not to. The schools have began to try to make the school lunch's healthier but it doesn't help if outside of school they continue to eat junk food. We need to look at the cons of the food that we intake daily. We can be healthier people by simply measuring the foods that we eat. If we all did that their would be a decrease in the amount or people that have to live with diabetes . These disease aren't easy to live with so why live with it when you can easily prevent i t. Don't be the next person who has to live with that burden in your live. Make a difference in your life. Choose to eat healthier things. Instead of having a burger have fruits or salads which will benefit you later in life.

The window

Date: 10/8/2008
Time: 6:04pm
Place: House



Standing in the middle of the room looking out of a small narrow window. On the outside there seems to be a perfect world. The trees are blooming and the grass has never been this green. The house accros the street is enormous. Its white with branches all around it. I can see little kids running around the drive way. They seem as if they are having the best time of their lives. I get closer to the window and the closer i get to the window, the trees begin to dry. The grass begins to get and dry. The house across the street begins to get old. It no longer has trees around it any more, now it is just dead trees. Why is this happening? I begin to take a couple steps back to the center of the room. Once again everything outside begins to bloom. What is wrong? Why is it that when i get close to things they seem to die? What is wrong with me? Why cant i go near the window. It seems like i have been locked in this room for ever. I want to be able to go outside and run around like those kids i saw outside. I want to run free. I want to be able to lay on the bright green grass and look up at the sky and look t the clouds. I cant do that because it seems like i am a prisoner in this room . Can someone help me and free me from this place?

Mute

Date: 10/7/2008
Time: 2:35 pm
Place: House



I'm trying to understand the words that are coming out of your mouth, but they don't seem to have any meaning to them. I look at you and i can see that you are talking to me but the sounds are not meeting with my ears. What is happening, why cant i comprehend what you are saying. Your soft lips keep moving in so may directions, I'm trying to read your lips but you mouth is just moving to slow for me to make anything out. Your eyes seem to be watery, what is going on? What are you telling me that is making you cry. Is it something bad? Now I'm worried. What is the reason of all this. You begin to hold me and you give me a kiss on my forehead. I begin to get a bad chill down my spine. My hands begin to get cold i cant explain why this happened but it did. You hugged me so tight that i thought you were going to suffocate me. You slowly wiped my tear from my eyes. How could this be i didn't even feel that i was crying. But i was, my cheeks had streams of tears. Then out of no where i looked back up at you and you said " everything will be okay." I didn't comprehend what you were talking about till you said" your grandfather is in a better place now." Then it hit me that my grandfather had passed away. That was what you were telling me when i felt that the world had gone on mute.

My life

Date: 10/6/2008
Time: 12:29 pm
Place: House



Things seem to be going perfect. I cant ask for anything more right now. School is getting tougher and tougher but that is just school and i know that i will get through it. I have the love of my life by my side , the one who always makes me laugh no matter how bad my day seems to be going. He seems to have a special way of always brightening up my day. My job is boring but i hope to get a new one soon, but right now it is good. A job is a job whether or not you like it, you still get paid for working. I cant ask for any thing more right now. Money would be good to have but its okay i know that when I'm done with my career i wont have to worry about money. I woke up in a very good mood. I don't feel tired at all, normally I'm always tired. I feel like I'm filled with joy. I feel really focused in life right now. I wouldn't change anything that i have right now. There are always people who say that they are not satisfied with their life and the things that they have, i use to be one of those people. I use to hate the way my life was, but i made a promise to my self that someday i would change my life style into one that i cold be satisfied with. I accomplished that goal i changed my life. Its not perfect but no one has a perfect life.

The ocean

Date: 10/5/2008
Time: 4:12 pm
Place: House



I have been driving for hours and hours but i don't know why. I cant seem to figure out what it is that I'm looking for. I stop and admire all the beautiful things around me. So many houses, so many people everywhere. There are dozen of beautiful things that you can look at for hours. I keep driving and not knowing what I'm doing. It feels so good to take a rode trip, i don't know were I'm going but I'm going some were. At the end of about three hours i find my self by the ocean. The water is so calm, it so quite. Not a nice to be heard. I look out into the ocean, it seems to be so peaceful. I wish i could wake up to this scenery every morning. It would be so lovely if everyday seemed to be this calm. No one in sight for miles and miles, its just me and the big great ocean. No one to look at me when I'm letting all my feelings out. I cant seem to explain why it was that i ended up near the ocean but i guess its just because it sooths me. It allows me to express my self with no one to laugh at me. I love to spend time here. If i could i would buy a house near the ocean.

What happen?

Date: 10/4/2008
Time: 7:21 pm
Place: House



I can't stop thinking about you no matter what i am doing. I can not go an hour with out talking to you no matter how mad I'm at you. You symbolize my happiness, my all, my everything. You use to be my own warm Teddy that i could go to when i was feeling upset. You use to be the one who whipped all my tears away, you were the one who would tell me that everything was going to be okay. You were the one who always made me laugh and get back on my feet when i was down. N ow it seems like i don't even know who you are. You are no longer that person who i knew, You are no longer warm , now your cold. So cold that I'm scared to get close to you. You use to hold me tight and watch me fall asleep, and now you just walk away from me when i cry, it seems like you no longer what to hear what is bothering me. You filled my emptiness that i had. I have shown you that i love you . i have shown you that i would do anything for you and me. I have shown me that people do change. I changed because of you , you made me into a better person then what i was before. I cant get you out of my mind no matter how hard i try. You have shown me a new life. and i want the old you back. I want me loving and caring teddy bear back. I want someone to hold me when i feel that the world is coming down on me. I want the person back who use to help me get back on my feet. Where did that person go? Will i ever get that person back? Why are you so distant now? It seems like you no longer want to be with me. It seems like you have given up and no longer care. What am i doing wrong? Why wont you hold me and hug me? Why wont you no longer kiss me the way you use to? Why wont you tell me that you love me anymore?

The Carnival

Date: 10/3/2008
Time: 12:07 pm
Place: House




Laughter all around me is all that i can hear. I can see kids of all ages having fun. I notice them with their families all together making each other giggle with the simplest jokes. I look around me and i see no family , i don't feel happy. Why am i the only one who is not laughing. I can see many different types of lights glowing all around me. This is knew to me for i have never seen anything like this unless it was Christmas. Why are their so many people here, what is the occasion? I can see huge machines some that can move up and down, others that can move side to side, and some that move in all different directions. Their are people who are walking together holding hands, they seem to be very happy. Why don't i have somebody by my side who is here to hold me. It is chilly out here. I see people waiting on line in front of different machines. What are they waiting for? What are they going to do/ I can smell food of all sorts. Their are little areas that have different types of foods. Their are families eating and telling each other stories. But i find my self just watching the tell jokes. I have no one to tell jokes to, i have no one to sit down with and eat. What is this place and why has so many came here. Why are their lights every where it is not Christmas. What are these huge machines doing here. What are they suppose to do. Kids laughing is all i can hear, i can see families who are having fun , but i don't know why. Why am i not laughing? Why don't i have a family here by my side to eat with and tel jokes with?

A never ending maze

Date: 10/2/2008
Time: 6:28 pm
Place: House



I'm running through what seems to be an endless maze. I keep running and running but i find my self in the same spot i was five minutes ago. No matter how hard i try to get away from this very spot i end up here anyways. I look around and observe i can see trees every where. Trees and bushes till the eyes can see. The tress are so tall and big they seem to keep the sunlight from shining through. I have been in this dark place once before. Why am i here once again? What did i do to ended up in this very spot that i despise. The trees are dead the don't seem to have life to them. What happened to them? Why aren't they blooming with life the way they are suppose to be blooming. They look so pale , they look deserted. I begin to walk around, i gave up on running for their is no point of running if i will end up where i began. I look for a way out but there is no hope for anything. Their is no noise, not one soul who makes a single noise. What can i do to escape this place? I didn't know what to do. How did i get out of this place before? I cant seem to recall what it was that got me out and free from this very place. Why are the tress so dead and pale, no one has cared for them. They have been left here with no one to care for them. They have been in this dark lonely place with me. I will take care of them, i will give them the love that no one else has given to them. I will make them boom flowers and i will h=give them their color back. I will not give up on them like others have giving up on me. Maybe then i will be free and once again be able to leave this maze that seems to never end.

Hate

Date: 10/1/2008
Time: 3:12 pm
Place: house



Hate is a very strong word to use. Is it capable that you can hate someone with all your strength? Is it possible that you can have such evil feelings for someone? What does a person have to do so the other person will hate them? How do you know that you hate someone? Well thier are many different reasons why someone can hate someone. Any body can do anything to someone and the other person Will hate them. It can be from someone ruining someones party to someone killing someone Else's loved one. Hate can vary in strength. Someone can hate someone but still see them and just ignore them, or someone can hate someone and wish that something really bad happened to that person . People say it to each other all the time that they hate each other but do they really mean it. Who knows some may mean it and others might not. What do you do when you hate someone? Well do you ignore them and never talk to them again ? Do you show them that your letting the hate that you have for them bother you? I would just personally ignore the person and move on with my life. We show someone that you hate that they are bothering you. Just ignore them, because ignoring someone hurts way more then anything else.

what do you do?

Date: 9/30/2008
Time: 4:26 pm
Place: house



How do you tell someone that you are hurting inside? How do you try to fix something that you don't know is not working. How do keep a smile on your face when your crying on the inside. How do you stay quite when something so big is bothering you. How do you keep everything together when you know that it is all falling apart. All you can do is try, try to fix something that you don't know is wrong. All you can do is keep a smile on your face even though your drowning deep inside. All you can do is try to hold every thing up even though you know it is falling down. Never show that you are hurting no matter how bad the situation gets. Never cry when you are feeling sad. When things seems like they are bad always try to stay positive because if you think negative they will only get worst. That is something that i have learned. I have learned to never say that things wont get better because they can better it all depends on you and how you view the situation. Never give up on something that you really want because no one else will give it to you and you can do what you want. What do you do when you feel like you are all alone in this world. Always remind your self that you have yourself and that you don't need any one else by your side.

My Future

Date: 9/29/2008
Time: 6:20pm
Place: House



I wonder what my future will be like? Sometimes i sit down and wonder where i will be in ten years. I started college when i was really young, but i know that in the long run it will pay off. People are always asking me what was i thinking when i decided to go to college at the age of 16? I laugh and i tell them that i did it because i know that all my hard work will work in my favor in the future. I know that it wont be easy because it is not getting any easier right now. I try to look at the bright side and i tell my self that when i finish my career i will be young. I prefer to start now then to start later. Some people who take brakes before going to college tend to never go to college because they get other jobs and they start to slack of on what they really want to do. I can honestly say that i am proud of my self. I am happy that i have gotten this far in my life. I proved everybody wrong. Everybody who told me that i would never amount to anything in my life. I'am a somebody in this world. I will make a difference in peoples lives, and i will prove to everyone that no matter how many times they told me that i couldn't make it, i still made it. I don't plan on giving up.

Friendship

Date: 9/28/2008
Time: 3:51pm
Place: house



What is friendship? Its when you can get along with someone in depth, someone who you can trust with secrets, someone who will be able to by your side through hard times and good times. Wen you are younger friendships come and go, but when you get older they get more serious. You are more aware of the people that you associate your self with. Friendships allow you to relax your self around a group of people that you feel comfort able with. Sometimes friendship don't work out. Their are people who might back stab you and you no longer wish to be friends with them. That's where enemies come into the picture. Enemies are people who don't get along and have something that is bothering them both. Their are many people who use to be friend and they have turned into enemies. They use to tell each other everything and they hate each others guts now. Humans are very complex people one day you talk to on person and the next day you act like don't even know them. It just seems to be a cycle in life. Friendships are suppose to help you express how you feel, it should allow you to get anything that is bothering you off of you chest. Friends are suppose to be by your side when you are happy and when you fall in a hole . True friends are hard to find but when you do find them cherish them because they can leave any second of any day.

That someone special

Date: 9/27/2008
Time: 11:35am
Place: house



The beautiful person in my life. I never really thought my life would get any better then what it was, but i was wrong. I have the greatest person i could ever ask for by my side. He has giving me a whole different perspective on my life. He has shown me to never let anyone get to me. He has shown me that no matter how bad things seem to get in the long run thing Will turn out okay in the end. He has shown me to always keep my head up high. He has shown me to fight for what i want even though sometimes i end up losing. He has shown me that thier are people who care about me. He has shown me that their will be times in life when i fall but he will always be by my side to help me get back on my feet. He is irreplaceable, no one can ever compare to him. He is a one and only. He is the one who brings a smile to my face. He is the one who has allowed me to feel safe for once in my life. He has been with me weather i was in tears or i was giggling about things that weren't really funny.With him i feel like i can escape far away with. With him i can let all my boundaries down and not worry about a single thing. When I'm with him everything in my life seems to disappear and its just me and him. I feel like I'm in heaven and i never want to come down from that place. I want to be by his side for ever.

STRESS

Date: 9/26/2008
Time: 12:34pm
Place: house



The stresses in life are every where. If its not one thing that stresses you out it is another. Some stresses may be physical or mental. Either way being stressed out about something is not good. It has been proven that stress can cause health problems. Stress drains you and it doesn't allow you to worry about your health. A majority of the people with health problems today are also associated with stress in thier lives. Where do we get stress form? Well to tell you the truth anything in life could stress you out. You could be stressed out about your weight, mostly common in woman, or you could be stressed out about a project that you have in school. Some stress could have serious consequences. For example stress can sometimes lead to depression and depression can lead to suicide. Stress can most definitely be cured. We all have to learn to take things easy not to get frustrated when things don't seem to work out in our favor. We have to learn to be patient, patients does pay of in the long run. When somebody is stressed out it may also effect them socially, with friends family or maybe their partner. Stress can me the cause of many problems in life we just have to learn to deal with what life throws at us.

No such thing as perfect

Date: 9/25/2008
Time: 4:56pm
Place: house



The ratio of the years i have cried compared to the years that i have smile are 8 t0 1. Life is not easy no one ever said that it would be. No one ever told me that life was about falling and making mistakes and learning from them, Well that is how life is. No one is perfect no matter how hard they try to be perfect they have or at some point in their life they will make a mistake. Mistake are bound to happen we are humans. When we mistakes we are suppose to learn from them and next time we are in the same situation we re suppose try to change what we did the first time so that we don't commit the same mistake twice. Even though sometimes we do commit the same mistake more then once Eventually we learn from them. Without mistakes we would never learn anything in life. If everybody were to be perfect we would live in a boring world. That's why when i hear about people who want to create a Utopia( a perfect society) i ask my self why do they want to do that? Don't they see that from mistakes we learn. Nothing could be perfect it just doesn't work out. So many people have tried to make a Utopia work and they always fail because we weren't made to be perfect. Their is no such thing as a perfect person in this world and their will never will be no matter how hard we try.

Childhood memories

Date: 9/24/2008
Time: 6:34pm
Place: house


Don't you ever wonder why you can never remember you childhood. We can remember up until a certain age but what about before that. Why can't we remember how it feels like to be baby? Well i don't know the response to the question. Sometimes i wonder if when i get older i will forget how it feels to be a teenager and the answer most likely might yes. We might remember certain moments in out lives that had an impact on us weather it was a positive or negative, but we cant remember how we actually felt then. I personally think that is a good thing that we don't remember how we were when we younger because then their would be so many more immature people in this world. Their are some people who never get over their childhood. They grow up and become adults yet they still act as if they were five years old. I prefer to have some one who is mature and acts their age. I think that this is why we seem to forget out childhood, However it would be nice to go back to those day when we were all little and we had so much fun and were able to get away with anything that we did.

I should have

Date: 9/23/2008
Time: 11:17 am
Place: house


what do you do when you are assigned a group assignment in class but only half of the group is doing the work and the the other half is not doing anything. Do you tell the teacher and get the other person in trouble or do you continue killing your self to try to finish the assignment. Well now that i look at it from an outsiders point of view i think it was better to tell the teacher that some team members in the group weren't doing what they were suppose to do, but instead i killed my self with my other partner trying to set all the tests up in order to get all the assignments done in time. Now i feel really dumb because the other people who didn't do anything will still get credit for having the assignment done. Well now a lesson was learned next time just tell the teacher when something is not working out. Maybe she will assign two new people or talk to the the people who aren't doing anything. You always learn something new. The bright side of all this is that even though i killed myself along with my other partner in trying to finish the assignment in time we did a pretty good job.

What you mean to me.

Date: 9/22/2008
Time: 3:45pm
Place: house



The things that I'm sorry for doing. I apologize for yelling at you at times. I'm sorry for getting mad at you over little dumb things. I'm sorry for always picking fights. You are great person both inside and out. You deserve nothing but the best. You have shown nothing but tremendous love for me and for that i am thankful. You have given me all you could have. You have shown me more then i could have ever asked for. You have held my hand while i was in my toughest battles and you walked with me when i was at my happiest moments. You are the best thing that has happened to me. I don't know what i would do if i were ever to lose you. You are me pride and joy. You are the glow that i always have in my eyes. You are the smile that i always carry on my face. You are the the warmth that surrounds me when you are not near by to hold me. You are my guardian angel that always watches over me. You have shown me a whole new side of the world a side which i had never seen before. A world that i now see and live in thanks to you. Nestor I love you, never forget that.