Im not dumb

Date: 10/29/2008
Time: 5:36 pm
Place: Library




I am a very nice,outgoing person. I get along with everybody that i come in contact with, however i despise people who think that I'm dumb or stupid. I don't think that i look stupid at all. Their are some guest at my job that swear that they can get away with stealing things in front of my face. Sorry but that doesn't work with me. Some lady who works at my job has been suspected of steeling things at work before but they haven't really caught her in the act of actually stealing something so they cant really fire her. Well it happens that she always comes to my cash register, and she thinks that I'm dumb and don't see what she does. She had 17 back packs in her cart( so she says) and i told her that i needed to count them to make sure that their were exactly 17 back packs their. In the process of me counting the bags she began to get really nervous and she didn't want me to count them. As i lifted some of the bags i could see some other things in the bottom of the cart i asked if she was going to take hem and she said no but that she would leave them in the cart. I told her that i needed to take them out and but them in my bin were everything else goes that wont be bought by the guest. She was getting really nervous now and when i was don't counting the bags their were a total of 30 bags. I don't like people who try to play with me. I'm not as dumb as some people may think that I'm.

Farewell

Date: 10/28/2008
Time: 6:03 pm
Place: Library



A little upset right now. How do let go of someone that you love dearly. How do you say good bye and see you soon when you know that they are of to a better place in the sky. How do you look at them in the face and tell them that everything will soon be okay. How do you assure them that they will go to a better place then what they are now. We don't know what lies after death. How do we just let them go like that. How do sit by their side and await that moment to happen. What do tell them to calm them down. You already now what will happen to them, but what about them. What happens if they are really scared. I have learned that people have to go when it is their time to go. Their is nothing much that we as humans can do about it. The reality is that once someone is gone their is no bringing them back. You just have to learn to cope with it. Losing a loved one is not easy but knowing that they will no longer will be suffering makes it a little bit easier for me to let them go. I knew that this day will soon come and it has. Now i just have to learn to cope with what will happen. Grandmother i love you dearly and no matter where you are, no matter how far you will be from me i will always remember you.

Blooming

Date: 10/27/2008
Time: 6:13 pm
Place: Library



Time is passing by so slowly and i don't know why? I need to get out of this jail cell. It seems like it has been years since i have seen sunlight. I want to shatter all windows that are looking out to no where. I want to turn off all the shooting stars in the sky for they don't really make wishes come true. I wish for happiness and i never got it. I wish that the bad things that happened to me would just go away and never come back to hunt me, but they still came back. I want to let all the flowers that are blooming cry out, the way i have seemed to dry out over time. I use to be full of life and i use to shine brighter then any star in the sky but now i do neither. Nor do i shine or bloom. Now I'm pale with no color what so ever, i don't have any sun light that could help me to bloom the way that i use to before. Now i sit here all alone with no companion next to me to talk to or to cry on their shoulder when i need someone their. I want to run though an open field and scream my lungs out to the sky. I want to let it know what i really feel inside. I want to be able to never cry again. Dropping tears is for people who give up. I will never give up. I will shine again i will bloom even brighter then the first time. Just wait and see.

Never

Date: 10/26/2008
Time: 2:10 pm
Place: House



So many people around but not a single person stops to pay attention to anything that is happening around them. They are worried about what is going on in their lives, to busy to consider others who might be going through worst things then them. I wont show any one the inside of me anymore for no one seems to care. Today my past came back to haunt me. Some one that i hate came knocking on my door. How do you come back to the person that you have hurt and act like nothing ever went wrong. How do you go back to that person and pretend that you don't have any recollection of what you did to them. I will never forget what happened. I will never be able to pretend that everything is okay. My body froze before i could even think of reacting to what was happening . How could this be, why did he come back]. Why must i have to go through those memories once agian. I thought that i would never have to see him again after that horror. But i guess that i as wrong. He is here standing before me with a smile on his face and acting like he never did anything. Why cant i move, why cant i run away. Why cant i scream everything that i want to scream to him, why cant i let him know how he made me feel . I want to hurt him the way he hurt me. Why I'm a standing here? I wish i could disappear and never have to see t5hat face again in my life.

mother nature

Date: 10/24/2008
Time: 4:57 pm
Place: House



Looking up at the skies, checking for rain. But not a single rain drop has fallen yet. Why is the sky so gray and ugly today. I'm sitting outside and the wind is blowing harder then ever. I can see people who are walking in the street are trying to beat the wind but it is no use mother nature is winning the battle. It is not cold outside today, it actually feels very calming outside. I was sitting outside watching kids run around in circles and i felt calm. The sky is clam and doesn't look either happy nor sad. To me today was a perfect day. It looks like it wants to rain but i don't think that it will rain. I personally don't like it when it rains. It gets all mushy and disgusting outside. I Had to go out when it is raining outside, it just ruins plans. When it is sunny outside i love to go out and just be able to walk around. I don't know if it is just me but when i make plans it just seems like mother nature always has to ruin them. For example me Graduation was so sunny that everybody was literally sweating off their makeup. Peoples gowns were sticking to them from the heat. To me a perfect day consist of a little wind here and their, with the sky gray.

Date: 10/23/2008
Time: 9:33 pm
Place: House


I don't know what else i can do. I was told that I'm a hypocrite for showing someone how i feel. I don't know why I'm showing that i care, if he doesn't. No matter how hard i try to fix things they don't seem to work out.Never will he know how much those hurts hurt me. They feel as if a million knives just stabbed through the chest. These tears that i cry, i will try to hide.Not knowing what i can do to fix this problem. But i guess that the problem is always me. I thought that i was showing him other wise but i guess that i was wrong, I guess that what i have done up until now has not been enough to show him that he is the one and only person who owns my heart, I feel as if someone throw me of a cloud that i thought i would never come down from, Those word haven't stopped repeating in my head, Everything that i do seems to mean nothing at all. I don't know how someone who says loves you can say those things to you. Sitting their like nothing is wrong. sitting their and acting like everything is okay.Everything that i have done has been nothing but a lie to him. I thought i had proven him otherwise. My heart is aching, but i must hide it.

Why

Date: 10/21/2008
Time: 6:02 pm
Place: library

I wish i could fly a million miles away,

so i can scream on the top of my lungs that I'm hurting from inside.

I want to swim deep deep into the ocean and just let go of everything.

I want to be able to tell you all on my mind, but i don't have the guts to ever face you.

I wont forget what you told me,

' nothing that i have done for you has shown you that i love you."

It still hasn't been enough.

What else do you want me to do,

I have given this relationship everything i have to offer.

You stepped all over my feelings.

I want to shatter everything in my path, the way my life is slowly shattering into a million pieces.

I want to break all the mirrors that show my reflection that has nothing but hurt.

I want to run in the middle of the street at night yelling everything.

I want to be able to go to you when I'm hurting.

I want to be able to know that you will be their for me.

I want to know that you love me that way i love you.

I want you to see the effort that I'm putting in to our relationship.

I want you to see that I'm trying, but i need your help in order to make this work.

I see what no one else can see in you

Date: 10/20/2008
Time: 6:12 pm
Place: House



Today a new routine began and tomorrow we will be more distant from each other then we have ever been. It will be hard not seeing you when i get out of work or calling you when i go on my break. Tomorrow it will be a change for you and me. I know that we can work around this new obstacle that has been thrown at us. I don't want you to think that I'm not happy for you because I'm very happy for you. This will now open new opportunities for you in your future. I will remind you to never take anything for granted, everything that you learn in life will end up helping you in your future. I want to let you know that I'm very proud of you for the choice that you have made. You are a very strong person inside and out and even if things don't work out, i don't want you to give up on your dreams. You have a long open road ahead of you with many decisions that you have to make. You just made one and i know that this choice will benefit you in the long run. Remember that nothing in this world comes easy, you must work for what you want. I want to look into your future and i don't ever want you to look back on your past for you are about to start a new beginning that no one else but you can decide what to do with it. Deep inside of me i can honestly tell you that you will succeed in life. Don't ever let anyone tell you that what you are doing is not enough. I know that you are trying the hardest that you can to help. All you can do is try, and i can See that yo are trying. Don't give up, this is a new beginning that only you can lead to where you want it to go.

SICK

Date: 10/19/2008
Time: 2:45 pm
Place: House



Bing sick is the the funnest things that can happen to you. Waking up this morning was extra hard for me today then any other day would be. I woke up with a bad headache that seemed to never go away. My eyes burned when i tried to look at something and i didn't know what it could be. My throat was already hurting from the previous day, i knew it was most likely going to get worst but i never thought it it would get this bad. Being at work and being around costumers all day is not easy when you are sneezing every two seconds, and coughing every five seconds. Greeting the costumers was not any easier, i thought that my throat was going to come out of my mouth when i spoke. I had people make fun of me because of the way that i sounded i personally didn't seem to understand what was so funny that everybody was laughing about. Obviously it was about me because i was the only one that wasn't lugging. I just ho[e that by tomorrow i will be much better then the way that i was today. I don't want to have to Wake up with my head ready to explode, or my throat burning as if it were set on fire with a match. I want to be able to breath through my nose again like i use to before i was sick.

Date:
Time:
Place:



I look into a mirror and i see someone bueatiful in the reflection. I dont seem to know who that person could be. She has makeup on, but i dont seem to understand why if she is a pretty person. I look in a mirror and thier is a persom looking back at me but who is that person? She is looking down to the floor she never raises her eyesight. She seems like she is cared of something. She doesnt say a single word. Thier is a longtime period of silence. The girl is playing with her fingers trying to get her mind off of something that is bothering her. What could be bothering such a nice girl? She looks up and i can see that her eyes are filled with tears, She seems like she is ready to break down in tears. What is wrong with her? Why wont she speak, why wont she say a word? She seems sad, i wish that i could help her, but i dont seem ti know her. She seems like a stranger to me. She looks back down and never riases her eyesigh AGIAN. i LOOK INTO THE MIRROR AND I SEE SOMEONE LOOKING BACK AT ME, WHO SHE IS I DONT KNOW.

AWAY

Date: 10/17/2008
Time: 4:32 pm
Place: House



what do you do when you keep trying to make something work but the other person just doesn't seem to try at all. It hurts when you are trying so hard and giving your all into something and your hardly getting anything back. I kiss you and you didn't kiss back. I hug you but you don't want to hug me. I tell you that i love you but you never say it back, you just say me too. How do you want me to feel when you tell me not to touch you because it bothers you. How do you think i feel when i kiss you and you wipe away my kisses. I never do that to you never will i do that to you. It hurts so much to be their standing next to the person that you expect from and get nothing in return. I'm trying so hard but you aren't trying at all. I watch and observe you. I wait for your calls but you never call me. I wait for you to hug me but you don't. I wait for a warm and gentle " i love you" from your mouth but i never get it. I try to hide it, but i cant. I don't do a very good job of hiding what i feel inside and i didn't think that i should. Why are you holding your self back? Why aren't you allowing me to show you that i love you and that i care.

Sometimes you just have to

Date: 10/16/2008
Time: 6:17 pm
Place: House




Why are you holding back on what you feel. Today someone told me something that i thought i would never hear from that person. She is like the sister that i never had. When we talk we can talk about anything and everything possible. Her words were so true and so right. Everything she told me was hard for me to accept put i did. I can tell that she cares about me just like i care about her. Money does not make happiness, believe it or not but you can have all the money in the world and still not be happy. She told me that i should be careful and never give somebody my all because it is not good. I know that she didn't mean it in a bad way i i didn't take it that way but I'm just the type of person that gives my all into what i do. She told me that sometimes you just have to keep certain things to your self because sometimes people can use that against you. She told me that sometimes people don't like to show the way they truly fell about you. They keep a boundary up like a wall and they are afraid to let it fall. They are scared to open their hearts to someone else. That is what is happening to me. She was right , he isn't the type who will say " I love you " first to someone, he wont be the one who will go out of his way for a simple kiss or a simple hug. He encloses what he feels. He never shows his true color, and that just makes it harder to make things work. Sometimes you just have to let your boundary or wall crumble and give it a try.

Life

Date: 10/15/2008
Time: 5:37 pm
Place: Library



The stress of school just keeps piling and piling on top of each other. I'm trying really hard not to get stressed out about the pounds of homework that all the teacher are assigning to me.They act like they are the only teachers that people have and that other teachers don't assign homework either. I have so many exams that are coming up. I don't know how I'm going to make time to study in between work and school. I have a bout million research papers that are due. I try not to stress my self over all the things that are going on in my life but no matter how hard i try sometimes i get over whelmed with what is going on. I still can believe that i am going to college. I know it has been almost two months now but it just doesn't seem to register in my head. I cant seem to concentrate on one subject because I'm to busy worrying about the other ones. People tend to get stressed out really easy over the smallest things. I know that i am like that . I try not to get stressed out but in the long run i end up being stressed out about the littlest things ever. That is just how life works. Once i finish doing what I'm doing i know that i no longer will be stressed out so i just have to try to take things slow.

Concentration

Date: 10/13/2008
Time: 5:00 pm
Place: House




I'm staring into thin air not knowing what is running through my head. I look everywhere but I still don't know what I'm thinking about. It seems like I have gone into a daydream. I know that I'm staring at something but I cant seem ti make out what it is that I'm looking at. It is all a blur to me, I don't even bother to make the object out for it doesn't concern me right now. I feel as if I were floating on a cloud, I feel relaxed but I don't know why. I could feel my eyes beginning to get watery from me not blinking. I don't want to blink and come back to reality. I like the place that I imagine my self at. It is very soothing and I have no thought that run through my mind, nothing to stress me out. I can see the burring object moving but it doesn't bother me for i'm not interested in the object. My eyes are starting to burn from the air that is hitting it. I try so hard not to blink and loose me concentration on what I'm am thinking. Then someone came and ruined the calm place that i was trying so hard to stay at. So many things came rushing through my mind once again. I wanted to return to that place but no matter how hard i tried i couldn't. So many thoughts that just got me mad at thinking about them. I try to concentrate on my homework so that i would do something that i would regret later. I tried so hard to try and stay relaxed no matter how many bad things i wanted to say back to the person who ruined me concentration.

The effects

Date: 10/13/2008
Time: 7:13 pm
Place: House



Ones past always effects one future no matter how you try for it not to. The past experiences make you the person who you are now. With out those past experiences you would probably be a totally different person then who you are. Don't you ever think about how your future would be if some of the things in your past were different. They may be many things in your past that you may regret doing and they might be causing problems for you now. You cant take back time, all though we all wish we could. We all make mistakes in our past and no one has had a perfect past. Ask your self are you proud of the person who you are today? If you aren't what happened in your past that caused your future to turn out that way? Was their something that you could have done to change your past? Their are also good things that happen in ones past and they make you a better person then who you use to be. Either way your past does have an impact on the person who you become. For example if you are somebody who is around others who always drink and smoke, you will most likely pick up those habits as well. If you are somebody that is around people who help other and worry about their education, then you will be someone who likes to do well in school and like to help others.

Economy

Date: 10/12/2008
Time: 3:46 pm
Place: House




The economy seems to be getting worst and worst as time goes on. Why isn't the government trying to do anything about it? The prices of everything continues to go up. The prices of gas are unbelievable. Before i was able to fill the tank of my car with twenty five thirty dollars and now in order to fill my tank i need forty dollars. That was a major increase that never seems to decrease. People are going out of their minds with such high prices.The prices of everything is going up and our wages aren't. How are we going to be able to pay for anything if we don't get enough incomes. The tuition for college is going up as well. How are people suppose to go to college if the prices are so high that no one can pay for them. Only they wealthy people will be able to send their children to school. It seems like we are rewinding in time, when the country went into a depression and when only the wealthy people were able to pay of the expenses. What is the government planning on doing about all these problems if anythings. The prices have gone up for gas because of the war with Iraq. I don't see why we are still over their, why cant we just pull our people out. We shouldn't be sticking our noses in business that doesn't concern us. We are sending troops out their when we can have them home with their families and the ones who care about them instead they are overseas trying to protect the rest of the nation.

Watching the game

Date: 10/11/2008
Time: 2:28 pm
Place: House



The joy of watching kids play. The sun rays beaming on my arms and face. The little kids running around fallowing a ball and fighting each other to get it in the opponents goal. The parents on the side line shouting to their kids what to do. The parents seem to be enjoying them selves as much as the kids are. The coaches are shouting their team members names and telling them to run for the ball. The white team makes a goal and the green team just tries harder to make a a goal for their team. The parents yell in excitement for the white team. The kids seem to get energy form the thin air and begin to yell in happiness. GGGGOOOOAAAALLLL !!! Is all you hear for what seems to be eternity. The kids once again go back to following the ball around and trying even harder this time to make another goal. A couple minutes pass by and it is finally time for the kids to have a break . All the little kids run to their parents and give them something to drink. One of the boys had fell and hurt his leg but he wasn't going to let that stop him from playing. I herd the whistle go off and knew that it was time for the kids to go back and play the second half of the game. The kids get into position and the whistle blows and the game begins. After a few minutes other three goals were made by the white team, however the green team doesn't give up. They are determined to make one goal, and before you know it they made a goal. GGGGOOOOAAALLL !!! Once again the parents and kids start yelling. The game was soon to be over, and the little kids seemed to be getting tired. The final whistle blows and the game has finished. The white team won and the green team lose 7 to 1. What a good game.

Date: 10/10/2008
Time: 12:55 pm
Place: House




My hands and feet are cold. I'm trying to concentrate but my mind is somewhere else. I can feel the blood pounding against my skull. I'm looking at the keypad in front of me but no thoughts can come to my mind. I cant seem to think of anything. My fingers feel stiff with no sense of motion what so ever. I look at the computer screen and still no thoughts come to mind. I have came to a road block and i don't know how to get out. So many other things that i have to worry about. I have so much homework from my other classes it seems like i will never finish with the assignments. I have figure out how I'm going to pull of three research papers. I have to figure how I'm going to manage to memories all the data that is given to me everyday in school. I'm trying so hard to make everything okay. Its not easy to have to study , do homework go to school and work. People who are around you may say that you are always tired and never want to do anything but its not that. When you have time off you just want to relax and not have to worry about anything else at least for five minutes. When you have a spouse or someone with you, you just want them to understand you and sometimes they don't seem to understand when you are having bad day or when you are not feeling well. You just want them to understand that you want to lay down and get better soon for you to go back to what is important in life. Its not that you don't want them to help you , its just that you want them to understand you.

Obesity

Date: 10/9/2008
Time: 6:55pm
Place: House



Sitting here watching my boy friend do exercise since he thinks he is fat, but i don't think he is not. He blames me for making him fat, however i think otherwise. The rate of obesity in the united states has increased over the years. Why is that? Well it is simple if we look at the diets that we Americans have. We eat fast foods that are nothing but fating for us. Obesity is also associated with many health problems that we can prevent, for example heart problems or diabetes. We can easily prevent those medical problems but we choose not to. The schools have began to try to make the school lunch's healthier but it doesn't help if outside of school they continue to eat junk food. We need to look at the cons of the food that we intake daily. We can be healthier people by simply measuring the foods that we eat. If we all did that their would be a decrease in the amount or people that have to live with diabetes . These disease aren't easy to live with so why live with it when you can easily prevent i t. Don't be the next person who has to live with that burden in your live. Make a difference in your life. Choose to eat healthier things. Instead of having a burger have fruits or salads which will benefit you later in life.

The window

Date: 10/8/2008
Time: 6:04pm
Place: House



Standing in the middle of the room looking out of a small narrow window. On the outside there seems to be a perfect world. The trees are blooming and the grass has never been this green. The house accros the street is enormous. Its white with branches all around it. I can see little kids running around the drive way. They seem as if they are having the best time of their lives. I get closer to the window and the closer i get to the window, the trees begin to dry. The grass begins to get and dry. The house across the street begins to get old. It no longer has trees around it any more, now it is just dead trees. Why is this happening? I begin to take a couple steps back to the center of the room. Once again everything outside begins to bloom. What is wrong? Why is it that when i get close to things they seem to die? What is wrong with me? Why cant i go near the window. It seems like i have been locked in this room for ever. I want to be able to go outside and run around like those kids i saw outside. I want to run free. I want to be able to lay on the bright green grass and look up at the sky and look t the clouds. I cant do that because it seems like i am a prisoner in this room . Can someone help me and free me from this place?

Mute

Date: 10/7/2008
Time: 2:35 pm
Place: House



I'm trying to understand the words that are coming out of your mouth, but they don't seem to have any meaning to them. I look at you and i can see that you are talking to me but the sounds are not meeting with my ears. What is happening, why cant i comprehend what you are saying. Your soft lips keep moving in so may directions, I'm trying to read your lips but you mouth is just moving to slow for me to make anything out. Your eyes seem to be watery, what is going on? What are you telling me that is making you cry. Is it something bad? Now I'm worried. What is the reason of all this. You begin to hold me and you give me a kiss on my forehead. I begin to get a bad chill down my spine. My hands begin to get cold i cant explain why this happened but it did. You hugged me so tight that i thought you were going to suffocate me. You slowly wiped my tear from my eyes. How could this be i didn't even feel that i was crying. But i was, my cheeks had streams of tears. Then out of no where i looked back up at you and you said " everything will be okay." I didn't comprehend what you were talking about till you said" your grandfather is in a better place now." Then it hit me that my grandfather had passed away. That was what you were telling me when i felt that the world had gone on mute.

My life

Date: 10/6/2008
Time: 12:29 pm
Place: House



Things seem to be going perfect. I cant ask for anything more right now. School is getting tougher and tougher but that is just school and i know that i will get through it. I have the love of my life by my side , the one who always makes me laugh no matter how bad my day seems to be going. He seems to have a special way of always brightening up my day. My job is boring but i hope to get a new one soon, but right now it is good. A job is a job whether or not you like it, you still get paid for working. I cant ask for any thing more right now. Money would be good to have but its okay i know that when I'm done with my career i wont have to worry about money. I woke up in a very good mood. I don't feel tired at all, normally I'm always tired. I feel like I'm filled with joy. I feel really focused in life right now. I wouldn't change anything that i have right now. There are always people who say that they are not satisfied with their life and the things that they have, i use to be one of those people. I use to hate the way my life was, but i made a promise to my self that someday i would change my life style into one that i cold be satisfied with. I accomplished that goal i changed my life. Its not perfect but no one has a perfect life.

The ocean

Date: 10/5/2008
Time: 4:12 pm
Place: House



I have been driving for hours and hours but i don't know why. I cant seem to figure out what it is that I'm looking for. I stop and admire all the beautiful things around me. So many houses, so many people everywhere. There are dozen of beautiful things that you can look at for hours. I keep driving and not knowing what I'm doing. It feels so good to take a rode trip, i don't know were I'm going but I'm going some were. At the end of about three hours i find my self by the ocean. The water is so calm, it so quite. Not a nice to be heard. I look out into the ocean, it seems to be so peaceful. I wish i could wake up to this scenery every morning. It would be so lovely if everyday seemed to be this calm. No one in sight for miles and miles, its just me and the big great ocean. No one to look at me when I'm letting all my feelings out. I cant seem to explain why it was that i ended up near the ocean but i guess its just because it sooths me. It allows me to express my self with no one to laugh at me. I love to spend time here. If i could i would buy a house near the ocean.

What happen?

Date: 10/4/2008
Time: 7:21 pm
Place: House



I can't stop thinking about you no matter what i am doing. I can not go an hour with out talking to you no matter how mad I'm at you. You symbolize my happiness, my all, my everything. You use to be my own warm Teddy that i could go to when i was feeling upset. You use to be the one who whipped all my tears away, you were the one who would tell me that everything was going to be okay. You were the one who always made me laugh and get back on my feet when i was down. N ow it seems like i don't even know who you are. You are no longer that person who i knew, You are no longer warm , now your cold. So cold that I'm scared to get close to you. You use to hold me tight and watch me fall asleep, and now you just walk away from me when i cry, it seems like you no longer what to hear what is bothering me. You filled my emptiness that i had. I have shown you that i love you . i have shown you that i would do anything for you and me. I have shown me that people do change. I changed because of you , you made me into a better person then what i was before. I cant get you out of my mind no matter how hard i try. You have shown me a new life. and i want the old you back. I want me loving and caring teddy bear back. I want someone to hold me when i feel that the world is coming down on me. I want the person back who use to help me get back on my feet. Where did that person go? Will i ever get that person back? Why are you so distant now? It seems like you no longer want to be with me. It seems like you have given up and no longer care. What am i doing wrong? Why wont you hold me and hug me? Why wont you no longer kiss me the way you use to? Why wont you tell me that you love me anymore?

The Carnival

Date: 10/3/2008
Time: 12:07 pm
Place: House




Laughter all around me is all that i can hear. I can see kids of all ages having fun. I notice them with their families all together making each other giggle with the simplest jokes. I look around me and i see no family , i don't feel happy. Why am i the only one who is not laughing. I can see many different types of lights glowing all around me. This is knew to me for i have never seen anything like this unless it was Christmas. Why are their so many people here, what is the occasion? I can see huge machines some that can move up and down, others that can move side to side, and some that move in all different directions. Their are people who are walking together holding hands, they seem to be very happy. Why don't i have somebody by my side who is here to hold me. It is chilly out here. I see people waiting on line in front of different machines. What are they waiting for? What are they going to do/ I can smell food of all sorts. Their are little areas that have different types of foods. Their are families eating and telling each other stories. But i find my self just watching the tell jokes. I have no one to tell jokes to, i have no one to sit down with and eat. What is this place and why has so many came here. Why are their lights every where it is not Christmas. What are these huge machines doing here. What are they suppose to do. Kids laughing is all i can hear, i can see families who are having fun , but i don't know why. Why am i not laughing? Why don't i have a family here by my side to eat with and tel jokes with?

A never ending maze

Date: 10/2/2008
Time: 6:28 pm
Place: House



I'm running through what seems to be an endless maze. I keep running and running but i find my self in the same spot i was five minutes ago. No matter how hard i try to get away from this very spot i end up here anyways. I look around and observe i can see trees every where. Trees and bushes till the eyes can see. The tress are so tall and big they seem to keep the sunlight from shining through. I have been in this dark place once before. Why am i here once again? What did i do to ended up in this very spot that i despise. The trees are dead the don't seem to have life to them. What happened to them? Why aren't they blooming with life the way they are suppose to be blooming. They look so pale , they look deserted. I begin to walk around, i gave up on running for their is no point of running if i will end up where i began. I look for a way out but there is no hope for anything. Their is no noise, not one soul who makes a single noise. What can i do to escape this place? I didn't know what to do. How did i get out of this place before? I cant seem to recall what it was that got me out and free from this very place. Why are the tress so dead and pale, no one has cared for them. They have been left here with no one to care for them. They have been in this dark lonely place with me. I will take care of them, i will give them the love that no one else has given to them. I will make them boom flowers and i will h=give them their color back. I will not give up on them like others have giving up on me. Maybe then i will be free and once again be able to leave this maze that seems to never end.

Hate

Date: 10/1/2008
Time: 3:12 pm
Place: house



Hate is a very strong word to use. Is it capable that you can hate someone with all your strength? Is it possible that you can have such evil feelings for someone? What does a person have to do so the other person will hate them? How do you know that you hate someone? Well thier are many different reasons why someone can hate someone. Any body can do anything to someone and the other person Will hate them. It can be from someone ruining someones party to someone killing someone Else's loved one. Hate can vary in strength. Someone can hate someone but still see them and just ignore them, or someone can hate someone and wish that something really bad happened to that person . People say it to each other all the time that they hate each other but do they really mean it. Who knows some may mean it and others might not. What do you do when you hate someone? Well do you ignore them and never talk to them again ? Do you show them that your letting the hate that you have for them bother you? I would just personally ignore the person and move on with my life. We show someone that you hate that they are bothering you. Just ignore them, because ignoring someone hurts way more then anything else.

what do you do?

Date: 9/30/2008
Time: 4:26 pm
Place: house



How do you tell someone that you are hurting inside? How do you try to fix something that you don't know is not working. How do keep a smile on your face when your crying on the inside. How do you stay quite when something so big is bothering you. How do you keep everything together when you know that it is all falling apart. All you can do is try, try to fix something that you don't know is wrong. All you can do is keep a smile on your face even though your drowning deep inside. All you can do is try to hold every thing up even though you know it is falling down. Never show that you are hurting no matter how bad the situation gets. Never cry when you are feeling sad. When things seems like they are bad always try to stay positive because if you think negative they will only get worst. That is something that i have learned. I have learned to never say that things wont get better because they can better it all depends on you and how you view the situation. Never give up on something that you really want because no one else will give it to you and you can do what you want. What do you do when you feel like you are all alone in this world. Always remind your self that you have yourself and that you don't need any one else by your side.